This week has been a tough one for me. My grandma passed away on Wednesday. She was an amazing lady with a great sense of humor. I am exhausted from traveling. Exhausted from emotions. Exhausted from crying. I flew out and back in less than 48 hours. But I needed to be there and I needed to be here. So I figured out a way to do both. I'll sleep well tonight but before I do, I want to get some of my thoughts out while they are still so vibrant in my mind.
I always called my grandma, "grandma grandma". Never just one. Always two. She didn't call me Traci. Just Trace. So our phone calls began like this, "Hi Grandma Grandma." "Well hi Trace". So simple but forever in my mind.
I flew out Thursday night and arrived after midnight in KS. We decided that Friday we would go through grandma's apartment before going to the viewing Friday night. While we were cleaning out her apartment there were tears and laughter. As my mom and I cleaned out her closet, we were utterly amazed at how many leopard print tops she had in her array of wild clothing. Then we had a light bulb idea. Between her cloths and her jewelry, there was enough there for each of us to wear something of grandma's to her viewing. We thought grandma would get a kick out of this since seeing us in leopard print was quite a sight. Yes, the leopard print vest I am wearing belonged to my 94 year old grandmother. She was awesome! My sis, my mom, my niece and I all wore something leopard print from her closet. Hilarious! She had loads and loads of jewelry so we each chose some pieces to wear in her honor. I know she was laughing!
As you can imagine her viewing was hard. She looked beautiful. Peaceful. After we all shed buckets of tears, we laughed. We laughed long and hard remembering grandma. Bittersweet seems too simple of an explanation but that is exactly what it was.
Of all the things I remember about my grandma, I remember her cooking the most. She lived several different places during my childhood. It seems like each of them were my favorite because each brought new memories along with them.
Their place on Grand Lake (that's Oklahoma, not Colorado) was the one I remember most from when I was young. I don't know if I am remembering it correctly but in my mind it was the most beautiful house with a sprawling backyard. Their house backed right up to the lake. I can remember the very tall wren houses in the back and the drift wood that grandpa would collect and stack up by a big tree near the lake. I remember the green grass that sloped towards the lake. I spent hours and hours listening to the water lap up along the edge of the rocks. That was before the days of
ipods and cell phones so the only thing to listen to really was the water.
Grandma used to grow the most amazing plants in her house. She had shelves set up along the back window and the sun would filter in to make them green and lush. She also grew African Violets in another area of the house. She would always have them under the artificial lights. I remember those lights because often times when we would go visit her and grandpa at the lake, I would have to sleep on the couch in the living room. I would compete with those lights and with the grandfather clock to try to get some sleep. Just as I would get situated enough to cover my eyes, the clock would strike and wake me up.
We always spent Easter break at the lake. I tell my boys every year about how the Easter bunny left my chocolate bunny too close to the wood burning stove one Easter. I woke up to a puddle of chocolate. I was so sad. But, the Easter bunny was always good to me and left me plenty of other goodies.
Oh, the coloring books. I would sit at grandma's table for hours and color. Then I would watch her play solitaire. Game after game after game of solitaire. She never really taught me how to play but I watched her enough that I became pretty good at it too.
Grandma always cooked huge meals and she never made anything that didn't taste delicious. Brownies, cobbler, spaghetti, potato salad, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, deviled eggs...even the homemade ice cream made at her house seemed to taste better. I just remember a buffet of my favorites. There was always something simmering on her stove or baking in the oven.
When grandma and grandpa moved from the lake, their next house was just a grand. It was a large open house with a big family room and huge kitchen. From that house I remember the small bedroom that was "mine" when I was there. Grandma's beds were always comfortable. They could be hard as a rock but still comfortable. They always had soft sheets and a quilt on top. Those quilts looked too thin to keep anyone warm but when you were under them, they were heavy and dense. They were perfect for pulling up around your chin and falling into a warm sleep.
After that house she and grandpa moved in to a four-
plex. I spent a lot of my weekends there when I was in
highschool. Grandma and I would stay up late watching movies. We would drive through the zoo, go out to lunch. We would just hang out. Then after grandpa passed away and she moved to Derby, we would do much of the same. Movies, dinners, ice cream. Grandma was just fun to hang out with. She talked and talked and listened when you needed her to.
Grandma always had a chihuahua. Some of her dogs I liked, some not so much. Some were biters, some were
lickers, some were barkers. But they were all hers. They sat on her lap curled up in blankets and were more spoiled than a newborn baby. She loved her dogs.
As I think about grandma thoughts flutter in and out of my mind....
sunsets - she loved to watch the sunset from every house she lived in
birds - watching the birds were her entertainment for many years
crossword puzzles - she would work on these all the time with her perfectly sharpened pencil
kleenax - she always had a square of
kleenax in the palm of her hand
rubberbands, paperclips, clothes pins - everything was kept neat and in its place
spiders - she hated spiders just as much as me
bobby pins - she would curl the hair right above her ears at night and bobby pin it in place
lipstick - I don't think I ever saw grandma with out lipstick on
movies - she loved to go to the movies with anyone that would take her
jewelry and clothing - she had a very broad scope of likes and dislikes
humor - that woman was a sarcastic as the day is long, but she was hilarious too
There are just so many things that I remember about my grandma. She loved each of us. She was so happy to see anyone that walked through the door. I remember being so excited when Christmas break would roll around I would know when I got home from school, grandma and grandpa would be at our house for Christmas. I absolutely loved being with them, even as a crabby teenager.
Grandma was always ready to greet you with a hug and a smile. She usually had a chocolate brownie for you too. She talked a lot about her faith and it comforts me immensely to know that she is in heaven. I miss her to the bottom of my toes. Just knowing that she is not there for us to visit anymore breaks my heart. But then I realize that she has earned her wings and the honor of being in heaven without pain, without suffering, without sorrow. She was a strong and faithful woman. And I know she'll have a brownie waiting for me when I get there.
Here's a picture of Cam in the lift up the big mountain. It was so nice to be able to spend time with each boy. Going up the lift is a perfect time to just talk with your kids. It's so quite and beautiful. Cam even commented about how beautiful the scenery was up on the mountain.
